The Story of This Site

Although work on this website began only in late November 2000, it would not be too much of an exaggeration for me to say that the site was born at least 20 years ago. I do not remember the exact date, nor the exact time. The name of tha parish has eroded from my limited memory, but I do remember it was near our old house in Quezon City, Philippines. What I do remember, however, was being scandalized by the giant crucifix hanging above the church altar. I was probably less than 4 years old at the time, but I knew enough of the world to know that a statue of a bearded, bloodied man hanging nailed to a cross was quite out of the ordinary. Like the inquisitive preschooler I was, I nagged my mother to tell me why this man was hanging on the cross. Because He loves us, my mother explained. The rest of that "why mommy" conversation is lost in time, but I'll never forget those words, "Because He loves us".

Since then I went off to school like a typical Filipino-Chinese Catholic youth of the time. School for me was Xavier School, a Jesuit institution founded in 1956 by Missionaries who had been expelled by MaoZedong's new communist government. While I learned a lot about God and His Church in Xavier, it was still through the home instruction of my mother and father that I had learned to look at God as One who loves us. Still, the question that nagged me was "Why?". Why did Jesus have to die for us? If He did it out of love, then why doesn't He just forgive everyone? I guess one difference between myself and other young people of my age was that I actually took these questions seriously. My parents couldn't answer them, and neither could my teachers in school. It was this situation, plus the fact that I could see how Church teachings were being bent and even ignored, and the irreverence I saw during mass, that led me to doubt the Faith. I did not doubt that God exists, but I doubted the methods man used to reach Him. I did not doubt Christianity, but I doubted if it was applicable in today's world. I did not know it then, but I was starting to lead towards agnosticism. And I was only 12 years old.
God had other plans for me though. He loves me that much.

The year was 1987. Intellectually I was at the top of the world. I was later to win a medal for representing my school in a national science contest. My social circle was expanding, as I had made friends that year with some new (I had been transferred to a new homeroom) classmates who would be my confidants up to now, long after our high school graduation. However, I will forever remember that year as the year I first met the man who would lead me back to that bloodied, suffering Christ I had met so many years before. That man was Saint Francis of Assisi.

I had heard of him before. My mother had bought an old Marvel Comic entiled "Francis: Brother of the Universe". She had an old tape of a Francis movie starring Bradford Dillman and Dolores Hart (who later became a nun!). I knew him, but I didn't know him. That was to change when I was given a small book of saints written by Fr. Lovasik for my birthday. A friend had given it to me, knowing that I had a religous streak. No one knew about my doubts. No one mortal, that is.

Reading that book opened a whole new world for me. I then knew what Saint Ignatius of Loyola felt when he read his Life of Saints for the first time. "If these people could do it," he must have thought, "why can't I?" I then searched for that old comic book and that old movie. I absorbed Francis into my being. It was Francis and other saints, that convinced me that Christianity was livable. Not only that it could be lived, but that it was the only way to be happy. From reading his life I also learned that man is predestined by God to a higher purpose but it is up to man to choose whether or not he wants to follow God's path. I was started back on the right track.

Unfortunately, as with many young lads entering adolescence, I entered a phase of, and I quote Boris of the movie Goldeneye, "I am invincible!" I thought that I got it right and everyone else but Francis got it wrong. I began to think that this world was evil, and that the spirit was good. As Pope Innocent III feared, Francis, although sincere, may have been leading ignorant people like me to what I later learned was Manicheanism. Also, like a young pre-convert Augustine, I became a "know-it-all". I was a self-righteous bigot who looked down on others, yet felt self-pity for not being popular. Like a young Augustine, I prayed for grace, yet was not ready to receive it. I felt at the time the need to be as detached from the material world as Francis was, but I kept procrastinating.
It was with that attitude that I entered high school, and it was in high school that two things happened that shaped me more. One was my first exposure to anti-catholic evangelical "Christianity". I was amazed by the sheer audacity of arguments presented to me. I was shocked at the ignorance Filipino Catholics when it came to the Faith, and dismayed at how easily they were swayed. The second was a so-called "apparition" of Mary in 1993 at an obscure mountain town in the northern Philippines. Now, let me go on record on saying that I am not against Marian apparitions. However, I went against this one. What irritated me was that people were using this "apparition" to make money. Later on, when the local bishop condemned it as a fake due to doctrinal errors in the "messages", people defied the bishop's authority and still went on believing it. Anti-catholics then used these fake "messages" to condemn Catholicism even further. I must admit that I even started to downplay Mary's role in salvation a bit. It was then, I believe, that I made up my mind to combat heresy and restore orthodoxy (what little I understood of it, that is) in my own little way. By this time I had decided to go into medicine in the University of the Philippines which is a secular university. It was there that I was exposed to modernism and even more anti-catholicism. It wasn't enough to show them lives of saints anymore. I needed help, and thank God, I found it.

I heard Scott Hahn for the first time.

Dr. Scott Hahn is a former presbyterian minister who converted to the Ancient Faith. He now teaches Scripture and apologetics. I remember feeling that this man is the answer to my prayer for help. He preaches with clarity and orthodoxy. And he's fun to listen to as well! I bought his tapes, I read his books, and I learned about my own mistakes in evangelization. Through him and EWTN I also learned about other converts/apologists like Tim Staples, Robert Sungenis and Gerry Matatics. It was also at this time that I learned about the Fathers of the Church and the Doctors of the Church. I bought whatever books I could find and learned a lot. I found that I many insights I gained from reading lives of the saints agreed with many of the teachings of these men. (For example, when I read St. Anselm speak about why God became man, I said to myself, "My God! Our thinking is exactly alike!") I was now armed with the weapons I needed to fight for Christ. Now I needed strategy.

Enter St. Francis de Sales.

You can read about St. Francis' life in the Hall of Fame section. Permit me, however, to say that this man showed me how to reach the hearts of others. He wrote eleqouent tracts defending the Ancient Faith of the Apostles. He presented his arguments in a firm but kind way, leaving no stone unturned. He said that one spoonful of honey attracts more than a barrell of vinegar. He was called "SaintMaker" because by his kindness and teaching and example he led others to sainthood. He was Doctor of the Law and Doctor of the Church. He had at last shown me my way. Mine was not the priesthood, but to serve man through healing, both body and spirit. Since then, I have been blessed by God many times over. St. Francis of Assisi once said, "I have done what was mine to do. May God show you what is yours to do." He has. Why? Because He loves me.
Now, currently on a leave of absence from my medical studies, I have set about to write about what I have learned and to share my ideas. Many friends who have heard my stories have suggested that I write them down. I hope to use this site not just to write essays, but to publish prayers and useful devotions and promote honor to the saints and our Blessed Mother. God has shown me so much, and now He wants me to show these gifts to others. Through this site, I hope to someday achieve my potential as a Christian, and to help others do the same. Through this site I hope to be like Saint Francis de Sales in my own little way.

A SaintMaker.